party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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