as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
