Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
