I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
