no, he came in my armpit
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
