Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
