She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
