either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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