it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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