i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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