you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
