ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
