Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
