The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
