I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
