I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
