We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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