I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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