you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize