I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
