Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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