apparently the secret to your success is patron
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
