He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
