meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
