Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
