you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You may now shotgun with the bride
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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