apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
