you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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