I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
