Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
There's even glitter on my cock...
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