so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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