Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
