i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
