So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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