I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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