everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize