I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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