Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So much Jack, so little girl.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
