I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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