I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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