I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
