I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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