I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
