Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
