in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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