He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
