if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
