the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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