Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
