it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
