I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
