i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
