if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
