All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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