You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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