i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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