Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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