You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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