she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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