I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
