operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
