you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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