my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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