upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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