if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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