im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How naked do you want me to be?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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