is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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