my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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