2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
