I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
