my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
