and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
